StarCraft 2 Review

StarCraft 2 is a real-time strategy game for the computer, where the player controls armies of various human or alien factions. The original StarCraft came out in 1998, so gamers have been waiting for a sequel for about as long as Hilary Clinton has been waiting to become President. The original StarCraft is also the national sport of South Korea, and I’m not even joking.

StarCraft 2’s single player campaign plays somewhat like a role-playing game, due to the ability to choose different missions and permanently upgrade your units. The improved graphics and awe-inspiring cut scenes really serve to draw you into the story, and make it seem like a gorilla with a mental handicap drew the original game. The only problem with these well-polished graphics is that you need a computer that has the processing power of a humanoid robot with an Austrian accent.

The plot of StarCraft 2 is very similar to that of Mario, if Mario were an alcoholic and the bad guys were a swarm of bloodthirsty aliens, instead of a reject from the ninja turtles. You play as Jim Raynor as he leads a rebellion against the tyrannical government the Terran Dominion, and tries to save his girlfriend Sarah Kerrigan from the vicious alien swarm known as the zerg. The only problem is that Kerrigan was mutated into the leader of the zerg swarm in the last game, and I’m pretty sure a condom won’t help much with that. While the plot and characters feel rather clichéd, it makes for an entertaining story nonetheless. Besides, it’s the multiplayer aspect of StarCraft 2 that makes it more popular than Dick Cheney at an NRA meeting.

Some people compare StarCraft 2’s multiplayer to a game of chess. It’s more like a game of chess on crack, and just as addictive. Blizzard, the creators of StarCraft 2, has kept the same formula that made the original StarCraft a success. The result is a balanced and competitive game, which will stop many a nerd from getting laid for years to come. However, the learning curve is very steep, so players new to the StarCraft mechanics will get zerg rushed more times than the Bible has been quoted out of context. While Blizzard’s online ranking system helps with this problem, the game is entirely restricted to online play. Meaning you can only play multiplayer if you have an Internet connection. But at least you can now see who has StarCraft 2 via facebook.

StarCraft 2 has an engaging single player, and an addictive multiplayer that will leave you wanting more. If you can spare the money, shell out $60 for this game. I give StarCraft 2 a solid 9/10. Also, you must construct additional pylons!